What Is A Friend?

The last year or so I have been doing a bit of soul searching to try to figure out who my true friends are. It seems friends fall into different cattergories, these can be casual work aquaintances you get along with or have things in common with, all the way to some one you would trust with your life or your most deepest secret. I think that it's good to be able to have friends that fall into all different cattergories, sometimes you just want to sit and have a casual chat without getting into deep conversations, and sometimes you need some one to confide in.

To me a friend is somebody you know you can count on when you need something, whether it's a shoulder to lean on or just a cup of coffee to unwind during a stressful work day. However, I also feel that just calling some one when you need something doesn't truly make them your friend. If somebody calls me, just becuase they want to talk or see what I'm doing, it feels good. You know that person is genuinly interested in you and your life and they aren't just calling you because they need a favor. I've had (and have) people in my life that I would only hear from when they needed something and after they do that so many times in a row, everytime they call you and try to make small talk, you just feel like asking them what they want. And that's not right. I don't mind being there when a friend needs me, but at the same time you can't help but feel like a doormat when you begin to feel that their only interest in you is that favor they seem to always need.

I made the decision a short time ago that I was no longer going to put any more into any kind of relationship than I was getting out of it. And let me tell you, you sure learn who your true friends are in a hurry. But at the same time I have also come to peace with the fact that some people are just who they are and they won't change. So you just accept that and adjust your relationship with that person to something that works for both of you. Trying to make a friendship something it isn't will ruin it, so if you just accept it for what it is, you can live with it and be happy.

For instance, I have this friend that for so long I really went out of my way to be in their life, always calling, always wanting to make plans to get together, but I got tired of always being the one to call, the one asking how they were, because I wasn't getting any of it back. They'd blow me off when I wanted to see them, never offered to come visit me, I was always having to go to them. So I just stopped calling, never stopped caring, just stopped being the only one who initiated anything. It didn't take long to figure out that if I didn't call I'd never hear from them, unless they needed something. So, that's how that worked out and I'm okay with that, that's how they are, and I'm probably better off not feeling like I'm always bending over backwards.

I have friends in my life that make me feel good, make me feel glad that they're my friend. Some are family that have also become friends, some I have met through other friends and some have been there most of my life. A friend can be defined as so many different things. Each differnt kind of friend brings something to your life, and as long as it's something postive, you can feel good that they are part of your life. I think that the bottom line is that as long as you accept people for who they are and don't try to make them into something or some one they aren't everyone will be a lot happier.

Remember it takes more energy to be an enemy than it does to be a friend :)